Perpetual Disaster
by robinsparkles14
Summary: "It doesn't bother me though. It never bothered me that Marissa hates me now, or that Casey does, or even that Heather does. I just hate that you do, and I don't know why that is." SammyxDanny. I promise I'm not insane.
1. Prologue

**Warnings: (strong) Language and sexual references. This _is _Danny we're talking about. **

**Disclaimer: Wendelin Van Draanen owns all these characters. I do not. **

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**PROLOGUE**

I knew that attending Santa Martina High School was not going to be much fun.

I had already been informed that people are meaner and girls are more stuck up, and boys don't care about much besides what they can get away with when it comes to the girls.

I also knew that it was going to be much worse after ending things with Casey. I mean, it's easy to avoid someone when you do not go to school with them (easy enough, anyway), but when you are trapped in the same building together for seven hours a day, five days a week, not so much. And it does not even matter that the school is huge. Somehow I _always _managed to run into him, and he always looked the same. Like he hated me and he wished I would just disappear.

And the horrible thing is that he has every right to think that.

Still, it sucks to feel like someone you once really cared about is fully and officially done with you, even if I was the one who ended it.

Plus, Heather was so overjoyed it made me want to vomit. And my usual nickname, "loser" had been upgraded to "whore." Excellent. As were the lovely slurs I had to listen to every time I walked past her.

"Aw, she looks sad, doesn't she? What's the matter? Still upset he found out, whore?"

They were all like that, which is stupid because she knows nothing about why Casey and I broke up. That much was obvious from the fact that she kept implying that I had cheated on him or was keeping some horrible secret, neither of which were true.

But just because something isn't true doesn't mean the entire population of the school won't believe it, and Casey sure as hell wasn't defending me much.

The point is: I needed a break.

I needed a break from Casey's glares and Marissa constantly pressuring me to tell her why we broke up. I needed a break from Holly and Dot, who were pretending like nothing ever happened and everything was still okay. I _really _needed a break from Heather, who had managed to get worse over the summer while simultaneously making more friends.

I wanted to get away from all of that. Just for a little bit.

I just didn't think Danny Urbanski would be the one to give me that.


	2. One

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**ONE**

I must say: high school is so much worse than middle school.

Don't get me wrong, both are terrible, but I think that when you get more stupid people together it just makes everything a lot worse.

But maybe that's only me. A lot of people seem to disagree and think high school is as good as it gets, like the psycho kitty queen who lives by Hudson.

On my first day, I was actually really excited. I got up earlier than I ever have for school before, took some extra care getting dressed, and wolfed down some of Gram's oatmeal while she eyed me worriedly.

"What?" I asked, and I sounded like an idiot because my mouth was full of oatmeal.

She sighed and gazed at me like I was a pig she'd raised that was about to get slaughtered (which is actually a fairly accurate simile) and said, "I just can't believe this is happening. I can't believe you're in high school."

I just rolled my eyes like it was no big deal, but really, I couldn't believe it either. I though I'd _never _get out of middle school, and for the moment, I was really happy about it. "Whatever," I said, blowing off her words.

"I'm serious!" Grams said to me, "You are growing up so fast! Soon you'll be out on your own and...oh! It's just so strange to think about."

I shrugged and dropped my bowl into the sink. "Yeah, it kind of is," I admitted, throwing my same old backpack over my shoulder.

Grams was getting a little bit teary-eyed, so I sighed and turned around, heading for the apartment door so I could make my usual way down the fire escape.

"Oh, Samantha!" Grams called after me, though there was not exactly much space to call over.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't get yourself in trouble today," she requested innocently.

"Grams!" I exclaimed, "Do you really have that little faith in me? It's the first day!"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you remember the first day of middle school?"

I winced and tried not to. "I was a different person then!" I insisted, "I'm not stupid enough to punch anyone in the face today, honest."

She nodded, but it was not a very confident nod. "Alright..." she allowed.

I swung open the door (not a smart move, but it was needed for effect) and waved at her all big and headed on my merry way.

I met Marissa outside the school on the steps. She was completely high on excitement. More so than anyone else, I think. I picked up my skateboard and wandered over to her.

"Omigosh I cannot believe this!" she gushed, "This place is _huge_!"

I laughed. "Yeah, it is. I hope we don't get lost."

She scoffed. "Don't be stupid, we won't get lost. It can't be that hard to get around here, hundreds of morons manage it."

"True. What class do you have first?"

"Intro to literature," she said without even glancing at the schedule clutched in her hand, "what about you?"

"Biology," I said, defeated. I was really hoping to have Marissa in class with me to start with, but I guess not.

She shrugged and kept smiling, obviously not willing to let me rain on her parade at all. "Well that's okay. I'm sure we'll have other classes together," she sad, shoving her class schedule into my hands, "take it and compare our classes. I have to memorized."

I decided against letting her know how crazy and obsessive it was to already have her class schedule memorized, because Marissa has always been crazy and obsessive about weird things, and it is never a good idea to point it out to her.

We walked up the steps together and I started to get very nervous. She was still talking a mile a minute beside me but I was not really listening because I was just trying really hard not to look anyone in the eye for fear that it might be someone I know. Because if I I met eyes with someone from William Rose Junior High School, chances are it would turn my day to absolute crap.

And, yeah, there is one specific person I am referring to.

But even if it wasn't him, it could still be Heather or Monet Jarlsburg or Billy Pratt, and seeing _any _of them would be a serious nightmare. I know that it's immature, and that I should not be afraid of these people for any reason, but "staying friends" with someone you've had a relationship with and their friends is way easier said than done. And as for Heather. . .well, I think it's pretty obvious why I would not want to run into her so soon.

So I went to my locker, which I didn't really plan on decorating because I did not see the point at all. Marissa came with me, but her locker was way down the hallway so she just smiled all brightly at me and said, "Okay, well I'll see you later, Sammy! Compare our schedules! And if I don't see you before lunch then meet me in by the bike racks on the east side of school! And also-"

"Alright, bye!" I said, cutting her off quick enough to make her stop telling me to do things, and she laughed again and turned around, her purple backpack bobbing up and down as she went.

The only thing I put in my locker was my lunch. Grams is still short on money so I sure wasn't going to borrow any to buy ex-prison-food in the cafeteria. And I was actually feeling very relieved. I had managed to get through an entire five minutes of high school without ruining it, which had to be some kind of personal record. I shut my locker slowly and stood up, scanning the hallway again to make sure nobody I had a bad history with was around, and headed in what I hoped was the direction of the biology classroom, which was supposed to be room A122.

However, the room number was hardly specific, and all of the ones I was passing were labeled B426 and D402. I really doubted there was an actual system for how they laid out these classrooms.

Anyway, I saw a pretty girl with bouncy auburn curls glaring down at her schedule, so I snuck up behind her in a way that was hopefully discreet and checked over her shoulder to see what class she was looking for.

Literature. Damn. Marissa probably could have helped her find it. I just hoped she wasn't close because I'm pretty sure that would mean I am miles away from biology.

I finally saw a room marked with an A. everyone was long gone from the hallway by then and I really felt like an idiot for getting lost so quickly. At that point, I kind of wished I was still with Casey because if I was I know that I would not be lost like this. He would have helped me find my way because he helps with everything, no matter what it is.

Whatever. I finally found the stupid classroom, and without thinking, and swung the door open like I was there on time just like everybody else. Unfortunately, I was totally wrong and what awaited me was a bunch of judging eyes burning through me from lab tables and a teacher sighing heavily and turning on me.

"There's always one," he sighed, running his hand through his curly blond hair, "A freshman, I take it?"

It took me a second to respond because I was feeling really mortified. I didn't even look at the kids in class because I knew they were all staring that I was some ugly animal at the zoo. "Y-yes," I said meekly, hoping he didn't think I was a bad person or anything. Because I really did not mean to be late at all, it was just the the damn school is too damn big and confusing!

"Do you have a name?" he asked, and not in a very nice way. I was starting to understand that he really thought I was an idiot.

"Sammy—Samantha," I said. It didn't make me sound any more intelligent.

The guy rolled his eyes. I was starting to wonder about him. No teacher should be that outwardly rude to a student. But then again, maybe that was just the way things were in high school and I was being too sensitive. "Samantha _Keyes_?" he questioned me with narrowed eyes. I swallowed hard and nodded because I knew that if I said anything it would to be nice.

"Alright Samantha Keyes," he told me, gesturing to the classroom, "Please take a seat so that I can continue my class."

And thus began the biggest dilemma of my like, because when I looked out at the sea of irritated-looking faces, I saw only two open seats. Neither of them looked at all appealing either. Maybe if I knew and liked someone in the class I could ask them to find a place for me, but I didn't see Holly or Dot there. Hell, I would have settled for Tenille Toolee over the seats that were open, but even she wasn't in this class.

The people who were in it, and had seats next to them that were open, were two people I recognized: Heather Acosta and Danny Urbanski.

I sometimes wonder if my luck is rigged to be bad or something.

Both of these options are miserable. On the one hand, Heather is Casey's sister, and she is way too happy that we broke up and it would give her plenty to say to me. But Danny is a pathetic prick who hurt Marissa multiple times and is constantly horrible to me because he feels like I'm beneath him. Plus, I really hate him.

And on that note, I was just about to sit down by Heather and face her hurricane of words (because the teacher was starting to look really annoyed and God knows I didn't need to provoke him any more than I already had) but she picked up her backpack and set it on the chair, giving me a look that clearly said: _don't even. _

So I glared at her and made my way around some lab tables, which really pissed off the people sitting at them, and set my stuff down next to Danny.

I did not even glance at him. I knew that if I did, nothing good could come of it. And I was able to listen to the teacher (whose name turned out to be Mr. Brown) for a while before I really started feeling the cold caused by sitting next to the snake that was Danny Urbanski. It was really starting to get to me, so I pulled out Marissa's class schedule so that I could compare it with mine like she had said I should.

I had just unfolded it onto my desk when Mr. Brown announced. "And that's our plan for the year. Everyone understand? Excellent. Now, for the last twenty minutes I'd like you to get to know your classmates. After all, you'll be spending lots of time with them this year. So please turn to the person beside you and tell them what you did this summer."

I groaned inside my head. I always hated these kind of activities because you never actually get to know anyone. You just have an awkward conversation and then never talk again.

That is why I did not even try. I just unfolded my schedule out next to Marissa's and started comparing them, but as I came to the realization that we had absolutely no classes together, a cool voice next to me seethed:

"Thievery. Very classy."

The sound of his voice felt like ice cubes had been dropped down the back of my shirt. I turned on him. "Excuse me?"

His eyes glinted wickedly and he gestured to the two papers on my desk. "I'm only assuming you don't have to take _all _classes remedially. . .though I fully understand that I could be wrong."

I squinted at him and scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"It means you're a dumb bitch," he said matter-of-factly and I rolled my eyes, trying to not be too affected by the comment. I knew the only one of us who was dumb was Danny, but still. And tacking that word on didn't make it any better. "Now, I would ask you what you did the summer, but I already know."

I chose not to meet his eyes, and instead just glared at the whiteboard. "Really? And what do you think you know." I asked in a monotone.

"Oh please," Danny said in a horrible, fake, syrupy-sweet voice, "Everyone knows about you and Casey banging this summer."

My head snapped toward him. "What!?" I said, a bit too loudly. Danny just smirked so I did my best to ignore the comment, even though it was bothering me more than I cared to admit. "Well," I said in a calmer tone, "I would ask _you_, but the entire town already knows. Tell me, how does it feel to be a thief for no reason and spend your summer in prison?"

I swear something that was almost human flickered across his face for an instant, but it was short-lived and soon he was wearing his smirk again. "Pretty badass, actually. Better than getting fucked by Casey, I'd wager, but you'd know more about that than me."

"No" I said through gritted teeth, because I was trying really hard not to lose it, "But better than _fucking _Heather, and I don't even need the expert's opinion to know it." I put emphasis on the curse word because I really did not like using it, and it was only there for effect. I knew that Grams would be angry if she knew that I had said that, but Danny needed to hear it, especially if he was doing that with Heather, which I'm assuming that he was.

"Actually, that was awesome," he told me, still smirking and completely unphased, "But, see, Casey would be no fun. He's too serious. He must have waited hours to finally give it to you, right?"

I glared at the whiteboard again, tracing the letters of Mr. Brown's name with my eyes. "I really wouldn't know," I insisted, even though I knew that Danny was not going to drop it because he's Danny and that's just what he does.

"Ah, don't pull that on me, little Sammy. I hold no judgment, honest. But tell me, does his dick taste like ginger? Because—"

"Shut. The. Hell. Up!" I whisper-screamed, "I don't know! I don't _want _to know! Why won't you just drop it?"

I meant for it to sound menacing, but it sounded more like I was pleading with him, which was totally stupid. Marissa is the one who ends up pleading with Danny, not me.

"Hey now, don't get your panties in a twist! I'm just expressing pride for my boy Casey. I mean, sure, you're dumb and easy with no tits to speak of, but I'm glad he's getting some."

That was when I slapped him. And I guess that's all I should have done because then I probably would not have gotten into so much trouble. It's just that he was being so mean and I was so fed up with it, and I didn't understand why he had to mention Casey that I could not just settle for having my handprint across his face.

"You horrible, pathetic asshole!" I yelled, and the entire class turned their heads to admire the scene, "What the hell is wrong with you!? You think I'm some worthless whore? Great! Excellent! I don't give a crap! But I DIDN'T do anything you're implying with Casey! I'd be ashamed if I had! I-"

I had to stop yelling. From the look on everyone's face I knew I had scared them. And I could hear Mr. Brown walking up behind me. He grabbed my wrist, and when I turned my head to look at him while yanking it away, I saw that he was glaring at Danny.

"Samantha Keyes," he said to me. I was panting. I have never been so mad in my life, "You are going to Principal Caan. Now. Urbanski, you go with her."

Danny scoffed and put his hands up. "Sir, did you not see what just happened? I didn't do anything to her!"

"Yes, well, I am having a hard time believing that. Now go. Both of you. Now." I could feel tears stinging in my eyes and that made me feel very stupid because I had nothing to cry about. So Danny Urbanski doesn't like me. It is not like that is new news or anything.

I started walking toward the door, but Mr. Brown came up behind me and made me walk with him back to his desk while Danny stood by the door looking stupid. Mr. Brown picked up his phone to dial the office, but before he did, he looked at me and whispered, "And when you've been dealt with, come and see me, Samantha."

I nodded, but I didn't say anything because I was really close to crying. Then I turned back and headed toward Danny and the door, blowing past him and stomping away down the hall. Danny ran up behind me, still smirking like an idiot.

"I know you planned that!" I said angrily, still stomping away in the direction of the office.

"It wasn't supposed to be a secret," he informed me, "I know you can't keep your mouth shut. It can get you in trouble, see?"

I shook my head and grumbled something Grams would kill me for, then said, "You know, you're pretty damn chipper for someone who got kicked out of class on the first day!"

"I'm optimistic about the future," Danny said, laughing.

I cannot even begin to explain how angry it made me that now that people were not around besides me, and now that he did not have a show to perform or a life to ruin or a girl to impress, Danny was being a normal person.

It was the absolute most frustrating thing in the world.

"I hate you," I told him, and I meant it. I do not usually mean that, not even with Heather, but with him I did.

"Right back at ya," he said.

But I promise that for brief second, he had that look on his face again. The one that was almost human.

~xx~

**A/N: Okay, so, I have read Sammy Keyes since fifth grade, and just the other day I was reading the Justice Jack one and this story came into my head. **

**Romance might be slow, so bear with me. And Cammy fans have no reason to lose their marbles because there will be plenty of angst where that comes from, but Danny really needs someone to get him back in line so I thought I would give him that. **

**I hope you liked it! Review please! Thanks so much!**

**~Robin**


	3. Two

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**TWO**

Mr. Caan used to be the Vice Principal and William Rose Junior High before he was promoted by the school-board or something and started working at the high school. When this happened, I made a secret deal with myself that I would not be sent to see Mr. Caan throughout my entire high school career.

Yeah. That didn't really work out.

And I guess a part of me sort of _knew _it wouldn't work out, but still. Breaking a personal promise because of Danny Urbanski and his idiocy is not exactly a happy feeling. Almost as bad as that is knowing that Mr. Caan was going to be very unhappy when he saw me walk into his office.

Lets just say that he and I have a complicated history, and the majority of it was Heather's fault. Mr. Caan used to think that I was a good-for-nothing delinquent, but I think he understands now that I just have really terrible luck.

Yelling at Danny, however, had absolutely nothing to do with luck. It had more to do with me being a freaking idiot with no self control and Danny being a manipulative ass. Either way, I knew I was not going to have very many good excuses.

Danny and I had to sit next to each other in the office for about ten minutes, and the whole time he was drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair. It was impossibly irritating, and every time I would shoot him a look that clearly said _stop_, he would just look at me like _what?,_ and keep doing it.

Finally, I got completely fed up with him and grabbed his stupid fingers and flung his hand toward him. It landed in his lap, which was unfortunate because I was hoping that he would not see it coming and hit himself in the face.

He smirked that stupid, annoying smirk. "Oh, I'm sorry, was that annoying you?" he asked all innocent-like.

I rolled my eyes. (I swear, if I really have to sit next to him in biology all year my eyes are going to roll to the back of my head.). I didn't say anything to him though, because he really is not worth my breath anymore. He never was, actually.

Finally, a tall lady wearing tall heels that really just made her look too tall (even taller than Danny, who was _towering _over me) came out from the back of the office and ushered us over. We followed her through a bunch of little hallways before reaching a little office with a nameplate that said : _Caan: Principal. _

I was relieved to discover that I was not the first person besides Danny Urbanski to be sent off to the principal. There was already a boy in there with greasy, too-long hair and a drug-rug slumping in the seat across from Mr. Caan. I felt pretty accomplished, knowing that this kid was just a little bit beneath me.

Next to me, I heard Danny mutter, "fucking stoner," as if he was so superior.

"Oh, please," I said softly, because Ms. Too-Tall was still standing beside us, "It's not like you're any better."

"I am," Danny assured me, even though I didn't believe him at all, "He's pathetic, bringing drugs on the first day!"

"_You're _pathetic," I said, "for provoking people on the first day."

He scoffed. "Don't be stupid, it's not like I actually consider _you_ a person."

I didn't say anything to that. Honestly, I could not think of anything to say that wouldn't make it sound like he got to me...not that he did, I just didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing my mood even more tarnished.

The "stoner" left the office all slumpy and Danny and I walked in. I tried to express a little bit of guilt, but Danny sure didn't. He just strutted like he always does and collapsed dramatically into one of the chairs. I slid more discreetly into the chair beside him. The chairs were actually pretty comfy. It was a step up from the crappy stools in Mr. Brown's classroom.

Mr. Caan glares at us.

"Keyes and Urbanski" he said, but it was more like a sigh. It was like a 'why must these children ruin everything for me' sighs, "Why am I not at all surprised?"

"Good intuition?" Danny offered all snarky-like. Mr. Caan just glared harder, clearly not the slightest bit amused.

He put his hands on top the the desk, folded very proper, and looked from Danny to me and back again.

"Okay. Who wants to tell me what happened?" he asked.

Now, I sure as hell did not want to tell the principal about Danny calling me a whore. I mean, it makes me sound stupid, and I didn't want that. Nor did I want to go through the embarrassment of it. But worse than that, I really did not want to bring up Casey, and I just knew that would happen if I tried to explain.

"I've got it, sir," Danny said confidently, and he was already pissing me off even though he had barely even started talking, "See, my girl Sammy here was sitting by me in good ol' Brown's class," Really? _My girl, Sammy? Good ol' Brown? _Could he be any more phony?, "When she just started going off on me! I was cool about it, because I know she's been going through a 'tough time'" He put air quotes around 'tough time.' I'm not kidding. He really is that much of an ass, "And I didn't want to hurt her more, but it scared me. She's a little crazy, I think."

I was pretty sure Mr. Caan knew just as well as I did that Danny's story was total crap because he gave him a really weird look and turned his eyes on me. "Care to add anything, Samantha?" he asked me.

"No," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest, "Just suspend me. I don't even care."

I know that was a really stupid thing to say, but at the time, spending a few days away from all the people in my biology class sounded fantastic.

Mr. Caan sighed and ran his hand through the little hair he had left. "Sammy. I don't want to suspend you, and I don't want to suspend Mr. Urbanski either. I only want to know what happened between the two of you."

I just glared up at him, all slumped in my comfy chair with my arms with my arms folded over my chest. "It was exactly what he said," I told him, except that I didn't say it very convincingly so Mr. Caan just sighed enormously again and picked up the corded phone on the desk.

"Well I'm going to have to call both of your parents to get you. I will not be sending either of you back to class, and I will inform all of your teachers of this."

I shot Danny a look that could have frozen fire. I just could not believe that he had put me in this situation. It had been Heather before, and that had not even been as bad as this. It had been less embarrassing, at least.

Danny actually looked really worried though. It was like calling his parents was actually something valid for him to be afraid of, which didn't make any sense to me. I mean, I knew that Danny's mom really wanted him to go out with Marissa because she knew that Marissa's family was rich. It was easy for Danny too, because Marissa was totally nuts about him. But other than that, I don't know a thing about Danny's parents. I mean, why would I? It's not like we are friends or anything, and I have no reason to know his parents.

It was just really weird to see Danny Urbanski look worried over a threat as simple as "I'm gonna tell your mom." I know he acts immature, but it didn't make sense.

Anyway, Mr. Caan called out parents and I tried not to freak out. See, the school has Grams' number since my mother is basically forever M.I.A., and calling her is always a scary move. It's not like my Grams ever answers the phone with "Keyes residence, Rita speaking" or anything that would _really _blow our cover, but still. Having the school call would scare her and I am doubtful of how good her impression of my mom is.

So I sat there, holding my breath while Mr. Caan said, "Hello, Mrs. Keyes? Yes, I have Samantha here. I would like for you to escort her from school...yes...yes, she appears to have broken the student code of conduct by using some vulgar language. Another student was involved...I'm sorry, I cannot share that with you. Alright. Alright, just know that she has been suspended for the day. Alright, thank you, Mrs. Keyes."

I exhaled when he hung up the phone and had the nerve to mutter, "No suspensions my ass," but I was pretty sure Danny was the only one who heard it. He chucked softly beside me.

"Samantha," he said to me with his eyes narrowed, "Your job is to get yourself home. I expect there won't be any more of this behavior in the future?"

I scowled at him, then at Danny before replying. "Yeah, I promise." then I tossed my stuff over my shoulder and booked it out of there, pretending that Danny didn't exist and that I would never have to see his stupid face again.

It was already second period, and I suddenly remembered my promise to Mr. Brown about coming in after school, and since it really did not look like that was going to happen, I just took a detour through some other hallways and went to his classroom.

I peeked in the window before making any bad decisions, and the classroom was empty. Well, besides Mr. Brown it was. I opened the door slowly and knocked on the inside.

Mr. Brown looked up. "Keyes." he said simply, nodding at me, "I wasn't expecting you until after the day ended."

"Yeah, well, I got suspended," I told him matter-of-factly, "So I just decided to come now."

He nodded again. "Thank you for that."

I put my hands on my hips and stared at him, waiting for him to share something of value with me, but he didn't. He just looked down at the notes and lists while humming that old seventies song. I remember my mom used to play it when I was a kid and I still knew the words, _you're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy. . . _my mom loved that song. She used to sing it, too, and my mom is a very good singer, _heartbreaker. Dream-maker. Love taker don't you mess around with me. _

"Um, Mr. Brown?" I said, and he finally looked up, "Is there a reason you called me in here?"

He pushed his papers away and stared ahead. "Yes, actually. I can't help but be concerned. . .what did he do to you?"

I blinked at him. "Danny? Nothing. I was just mad, I think."

"Mmmm," Mr. Brown mused, still staring at the wall like it was amazingly interesting, "And is there a reason why you were angry?"

"There were a couple."

He kept on nodding and started tapping a pencil on the desk and humming a little bit more of "Heartbreaker" to himself before he exhaled and said, "Look. . .Samantha, is it?"

"Sammy."

He cracked at smile. "Yes, Sammy. I know it isn't any of my business, but I could tell that he got to you, and I feel bad for not stopping it. I just wanted to apologize. . .and ask you what really happened."

"It's not your fault," I assured him, "And nothing. I was mad about other stuff and he just brought that out. It was no one's fault but mine, really."

"Okay. Well. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You can go now."

I nodded and sighed heavily. "Well, I am. So, I'll just go, I guess." I turned to go, but he said something else to stop me before I could make it out the door.

"Oh! And, ah, if you don't mind my asking, who's Casey? It wouldn't by any chance be Casey _Acosta _would it?"

My hands twitched above the door handle and I looked back at Mr. Brown wearily. "No. He's no one." I said.

I really felt like crying as I walked out of there, which didn't make any sense because I had been just fine prior to the conversation with Mr. Brown. I guess it was just that he mentioned Casey, and that was a topic I had been avoiding like the plague as much as possible. I mean, why would I think about something that just made me feel horrible?

Unfortunately, I spent a lot more time than I cared to admit thinking about Casey. I don't exactly regret ending things, but it is so hard not to miss him, especially when assholes like Danny choose to bring him up like it's so funny, and concerned teachers attempt to console me.

This is all Danny's fault. If he could have just sat next to me like a civil human being, I could have gone through school feeling less crappy than I do now. He was so conceited and irritating and fake and just downright _awful _that it made me want to scream. And now I was thinking about him as I walked down the hallway just wanting to kill everything because nothing was going right and everything felt like total _shit. _

And I was just thinking about how badly I wanted Danny Urbanski to fall off the face of the earth for a few weeks when I saw him. He was standing off to the side of the office door with a tall woman wearing a stern expression and whispering furiously.

I'm not sure why I wanted to hear what she was saying, but I really did. It's not like I was actually interested in Danny or his life, but I really wanted to know why the woman I assumed was his mother was looking at him like Officer Borsch used to look at me: like I was a horrible person and it would be nice if _I _fell off the face of the earth.

So I ducked into a little hallway and listened intently to what Danny's mom was telling him.

"You're a failure, you know that? It's the first day, and you've already turned everything to shit! Are you ever going to be anything besides a disappointment? Do we have to hold your hand through everything? You messed up again, Danny. It's all you ever do."

I was stunned. Even I couldn't bring myself to tell Danny those things. Hell, I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone those kind of things. It was almost painful to hear them being said.

They weren't even true, honestly. Danny isn't a failure. I mean, he's a total jerk and I really do hate him, but he's not a failure. Actually, he's almost hardworking. He does his best to get good grades and make friends. He's one of the most popular people in school and he does well in what he cares about. That's more than most parents could ask for. If he hadn't gotten arrested last year, I'd say his mom should be proud of him.

And I guess that thinking that way sparked a little bit of compassion in me, because as I walked by Danny and his mom on my way out of the school, I made eye contact with him. Danny actually has really nice eyes. Maybe even nice than Casey's. They're green, and really intense, like he's holding all his emotions in there and not letting them spill over.

I gave him a really sympathetic look and mouthed "I'm sorry" and I actually meant it. I was sorry that his mom was being so horrible to him over this because even though I knew Grams was going to be beyond mad at me, I knew that he had it worse.

And do you know what he did? He flipped me off when his mom wasn't looking.

Here's the thing, though: I know that he didn't mean it.

**Hi all! I hope you aren't minding this so far! I'm actually having a ball with Wendelin's characters, they are amazing!**

**I'm hoping to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!**

**~Robin**


	4. Three

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**THREE**

I ended up lying to Grams.

Well, not exactly lying, but I definitely kept the truth from her. I told her the reason I freaked out was Danny Urbanski. I said he told me something about Marissa that made me mad. Grams was pretty accepting of that explanation because it sounded like I was standing up for my friend and not just being stupid because he was making fun of _me_.

I felt pretty bad about telling her something so off from the truth, but I knew that if I was honest, it would only get me in more trouble.

"You're sure you aren't still sensitive about Casey?" Grams asked.

I flinched. I knew she was only concerned for me, and it wasn't exactly a crazy question to ask, but I really wished people would stop asking about it. Even if it was true, I wouldn't ever admit it. I was trying to forget Casey, but that was so hard when people kept bringing him up again. And when he left me with so much to remember.

"No, that's not it,"" I assured her, "I just. . .wanted to stick up for Marissa."

Grams nodded like she didn't actually believe me, then she kissed my forehead and told me to stay out of trouble from now on and vanished into her room for the rest of the night.

I tried to sleep, but my brain was pounding and I had too much to think about.

I was still thinking about Casey and how badly I missed him.

I was thinking about my friends and how I envied them. Sure, all of them had it rough, but I think when your emotions get toyed with it's the worst. Marissa might understand, but then again, she might not. Her infatuation with Danny was just that: an infatuation.

And that's when I thought about Danny. I knew it was probably just because I was dead tired and wanted to be asleep, but I didn't actually think about how much I hated him. I was more thinking about what his mother had said to him and how painful it was, even for me. It didn't seem right for her to even think that her child was a failure. The word just sounded wrong when I tried to pair it with his face. In fact, at that moment, in my complete exhaustion and bad judgment that came with it being three in the morning, lots of words sounded wrong when they were paired with Danny's face. I couldn't bring myself to think of him as a jerk or an asshole or a backstabber anymore. My mind just kept replaying that last second I'd seen him before leaving the school, and the thing that stood out the most was his eyes.

And the only word that worked with them was _beautiful. _

A month ago, if someone said Danny was beautiful, I would have laughed and asked them what they were smoking, but now it seemed kind of perfect. Danny was a little bit beautiful. He was also a little bit broken. I was a little bit broken too, and I guess that's why I didn't want to think that Danny was evil at the moment.

I could go back to thinking that later, but for now he was beautiful, and that was okay.

~xx~

School the next day was a little better.

But when I say "a little", that's exactly what I mean. I was hoping that Marissa wouldn't know about the whole thing with Danny, because I knew that it would upset her, even if she was over him. However, luck doesn't exactly follow me around, so not only did Marissa know, but the rest of the school did too.

I wondered if Danny had told them. I didn't think that he would, because it wouldn't exactly benefit him, but apparently that was thinking too much of him.

"I can't believe you did that!" Marissa said, and she didn't say it very nicely. "Why couldn't you just ignore him?"

It was a little bit of a relief that she was not defending him, but it sort of pissed me off that she didn't understand. I mean, I doubt she could have sat there and taken everything he said. It was awful, and it made me feel like total crap. That's a hard thing to just ignore.

"Because he was being such a jerk!" I cried, but it sounded really stupid, even to me, "I couldn't just let him do that, Marissa!"

She sighed. "Whatever. Just please don't do it again. It's embarrassing."

It made me so mad that she was only worried about her reputation and not that Danny had been so terrible to me. I know that she probably thought it didn't bother me that much because usually when people make fun of me I do not really care, but she was wrong. I couldn't tell her that, but she was.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry," I said softly, and she patted my shoulder before taking off toward her class. There was still a decent amount of time before first period actually started, but I guess she didn't want to be seen around me anymore.

Walking into biology was completely mortifying.

Actually, scratch that, it was mortifying _before _I walked in.

I hadn't even reached the door yet, and Heather breezed past me with a girl I didn't recognize. She had shiny black hair and perfect makeup and an aura about her that made me cringe.

"Stupid whore," Heather said as she shoved me into a locker. She made it look like it had happened on accident by just walking past me all huffy-like, but you'd have to be stupid not to know it was all an act.

Her friend laughed and stopped walking, even though Heather pushed open the door to the classroom like she just didn't give a single damn about anything.

"Hey, I remember you," the girl said to me snarkily.

I blinked at her but didn't say anything. Honestly, I did not know how to respond. It didn't matter, though because she just kept taking.

"You're the one who got your panties in a twist yesterday over Danny Urbanski. You know, I have never seen anyone look so completely stupid in my life. I thought you were a fucking psycho," she laughed like that was the funniest thing in the entire world, but I sure didn't get it.

"Yeah. Danny was just being an ass. Sorry I got all mad, I guess." I knew that the statement sounded really dumb, but she was confusing me and I had no idea what to say.

She laughed all loudly and it made me jump. "Whatever." then she leaned in and whispered to me, "I'm just jealous of Heather for getting with him before I did. Danny is by far the hottest guy in this school. Sucks that you blew your chances, huh?"

"Not really," I said slowly. I had no clue what she was implying.

"Yeah. . .I guess Heather's brother would be better to some degree."

I felt a huge pang in my chest and I wanted to tell this girl to shut up even though I barely knew her. I knew that Heather had told her to mention Casey. I knew that Heather was trying to get to me through some idiot girl. It still bothered me though. I wished that I could just let go of it like a normal relationship.

The girl grinned at me and shrugged off my response. "Or not," she said, but she said it like I was a total idiot. "I'm Bridget. And, well. . .I already know who you are."

I nodded. "Okay."

The reason I didn't say anything more enthusiastic was because I really didn't want to have anything to do with her, so I figured that her not liking me would be the best option.

But I had a feeling that I was totally wrong in thinking that because she smiled at me, then as she walked off, she coughed once, said "slut" and coughed again.

Nice.

At that point, I knew my day would be crap. And when I pushed open the classroom door, those suspicions were confirmed.

I have never seen so many judging eyes in my life, and I'm used to being judged. The way these kids were looking at me was different, though. All of them seemed to be thinking something, like "she's crazy" or "I wish she would leave" and it was written all over their faces. Plus, Heather was in the back laughing with Bridget.

And then there was Danny. He didn't seem to be judging me. He was just smirking, and it was completely infuriating.

That's why I don't understand why I smiled when my eyes landed on his. It was not an intentional thing, I swear. In fact, it took me a couple seconds for my brain to even register the fact that I was smiling, but as soon as it did, I scowled and walked to my desk with a flaming attitude.

I was ashamed though. Really ashamed, because a little part of me knew why I had smiled at Danny.

It was because I could not forget about thinking he was beautiful.

He looked at me and smirked when I sat down. "Looks like out resident drama queen is having a little bipolar thing going on."

I rolled my eyes and stared ahead. "I don't know what you mean," I lied, "and I don't appreciate your confusing me with Heather."

I was actually really thrown off by the comment, and really embarrassed that he noticed my little slip. You know, _smiling _at him.

He laughed this really mean laugh and said, "The frowning, then smiling, then looking like someone pissed in your cereal this morning. You look like you having a fucking mental disorder, not that anyone in this class doesn't already think that."

"Better than looking like you," I quipped, "It really must suck to have douchebag tattooed on your forehead."

He scowled, and that made me feel pretty proud. Knowing that I could get to Danny as much as he got to me was a good feeling.

"You're so stupid," he said, which was funny because he was the one who sounded stupid at that point.

"I hate-" I started to say, but Mr. Brown had come up to the front of the room and was clapping.

"Hello everyone," he was saying, "If I could have your attention, please."

I tried really hard to pay close attention to Mr. Brown throughout the lesson, but honestly, I couldn't even tell you what it was about if you asked because I was so distracted by Danny.

Literally everything he did was pissing me off. He was either breathing to loudly or tapping his pencil or _something _that irritated me beyond belief.

Then, halfway through class, his leg got just a little bit too close to mine, and I could feel his jeans grazing mine. I wish I could say it made my skin crawl, but it didn't. It just made me anxious and nervous, which pissed me off because it should have just grossed me out.

~xx~

After two weeks, I was about ready to be done with high school.

One of the worst things was when the inevitable finally happened.

I was walking out of my literature class. I actually really like literature because the teacher is really laid back and I get to sit next to Holly. It's the only class I have with her, so that's nice.

Holly was really worried about Danny and me. She kept making me promise that I hated him, which I thought was stupid because obviously I did. I came into lit every single day complaining about him.

"He's the worst person in the entire world! He's obnoxious and evil and he lets himself be controlled by people like Heather and his mother! He's absolutely pathetic and I just wish he would. . .stop! I just want him to stop being so freaking stupid all the time!"

Holly had looked at me really worriedly after I said that. "Sammy, you talk about Danny every day. You're sure that you hate him?"

I stared at her like she was crazy. "What does that mean? Of course I hate him." I said. She just nodded and didn't say anything else. I was grateful for that. Honestly, I was a little bit scared of the conversation.

The only reason that I constantly complained about Danny to her was because I have lit right after biology, so I have a lot to say. It was not. . .whatever she was implying.

Anyway, we walked out of class together and it was kind of weird because of her comment about Danny and me, so she just said. "Okay, I'm going to class," and took off down the hall in the opposite direction. I sighed and headed toward my Spanish classroom.

Danny had been spending the last couple weeks just trying out new ways to irritate me, and usually they were pretty effective.

I tried really hard to just ignore him, but it was a lot easier said than done.

The other day, he talked about how hot he thought Heather was, and how he was totally going to fuck her when he got the chance. Then he followed this statement with another, saying that he would get to Marissa after Bridget, who was also super hot.

Before that, he talked for the whole class about different kinds of taco meat. That one actually was not that annoying, and I found myself laughing just a little bit. He kept talking about how Del Taco was so much more fake than Taco Bell, and that's why their tacos are only like 49 cents. He said that he thinks Taco Bell meat is actually real, but that it's probably just weird-ass stuff like cow testicles and tongues and stuff. I told him that things like that are probably delicacies in other countries. He had just tsked and said, "And to think we've been paying less than a dollar for it here."

I was laughing about how stupid that conversation had been when I slammed into someone.

"Shit!" I cried, then I felt bad about it. I needed to stop listening to Danny before I turned into him. My notebook had gone flying and all of my papers had scattered all over.

It wasn't until I had picked up about half of them that I noticed exactly who I had walked into.

But his face was totally unmistakable, and I choked on his name. "Casey."

It sounded really strangled, and I felt bad about that because he was actually helping me clean up all my stuff.

"Sorry," he muttered, not even looking me in the eyes.

"It wasn't your fault. I was being careless, didn't look where I was going. It's totally not you at all. I'm the one who should be apologizing. So yeah. Sorry." I said this really fast. I could have won a prize for talking that fast, I think.

"'S fine." he said, handing me my papers. "You look happy."

I took them from him eagerly. "I'm not really. I dunno. It's fine, I guess. Life's cool. You?"

I didn't think I had ever talked so fast in my life. I don't know if it's because I wanted the conversation to be over, or because I was just stupid.

"I'm okay. Kinda still hate you though."

At that, I was totally quiet. I just stood there with my mouth open like a fish or something and I hardly even registered the fact that he had walked away.

I'm not sure if this is just me or not, but sometimes little things like that can ruin what I had worked pretty damn hard to achieve. I had felt like I was finally getting over everything with Casey, but all it took was one little run-in with him, and all of that disappeared. I felt horrible about everything again, and I could only remember one thing. The words "hate you" echoing around in my head. I just didn't understand why he had to make me feel like there was nothing left of me. I hated it, but more than that, I hated myself.

I ran into Heather after school that day while I was waiting for Marissa outside. I threw her a glare, just because I already felt like shit and I didn't think it would matter because she was with a big group of people. I doubted she would say anything that might make them think badly of her, but I was wrong.

"My God, keep it to yourself, you psychotic whore!" she screeched.

I had hoped that maybe one of the people with her would say something. I wanted to say something, but I didn't have the energy to and I could already feel a lump building up in my throat.

Nobody said anything though. They just laughed. All of them.

Bridget was laughing the loudest.

I waited until they left before I let myself cry. I don't cry a lot, but I was having trouble holding it together since my first day. Now I just couldn't help it, and I'm sorry if that makes me pathetic.

I looked up with those stupid tears in my eyes and I wish that I hadn't.

I wish I hadn't because I saw Danny, and our eyes locked for a split second.

He started walking toward me but I turned away and I ran home, holding my skateboard and crying even harder.

**A/N: Sorry for the long-ish update. I am still a student and have lots of stress with work and such. I'll get the next one up quicker, I hope. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who is reading this crazy story. I know that crackships aren't really a thing in this fandom, so I really appreciate you guys. **

**If you all have any questions or whatever, my tumblr is the same as my user, robinsparkles14. I just really hate the PM system on **

**Thanks guys! Review please :)**

**xoxo**

**~Robin**


	5. Four

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**FOUR**

It had been a week.

And a pretty damn awful one at that. I had spent most of my time ignoring people without making it too obvious I was actually ignoring them. Like I would meet Marissa at the front steps every day and walk home with her, but I hardly ever spoke. She liked one of Billy's friends who was named Peter, and she told me that she thought Billy had a crush on Holly.

I wanted to ask if that bugged her after everything that had happened with her and Billy, but I didn't because I sort of already knew the answer. Marissa and Billy were on much better terms than Casey and me. I don't know how they did it, but it made me feel really stupid.

Marissa talked a lot about Peter when we walked. Maybe even more than she used to talk about Danny.

"He's awesome. You like him, right? What am I saying, how could you not? He's so sweet and fantastic and adorable. And he's so _nice. _Nothing like Danny," she laughed and threw her hair behind her shoulder, "Hard to believe I ever even liked him, isn't it?"

I nodded, but it was kind of fake. It didn't really matter though because she just kept talking.

". . .and I think he likes me. Don't you think so, Sammy? He's always talking to me and he just cares so much and. . ."

I started tuning her out, which I know is really mean, but I really did not have the energy to listen to her at that point, so I just followed behind her until we had to part ways so that I could go to the highrise and she could make it back to East Jasmine.

So two weeks of high school turned into three, and three turned into a month.

That was when things started getting weird.

I know that it sounds crazy, but in a really strange way, Danny was someone that I sort of needed in my life. The thing was that in my first month in high school, not one person seemed to understand me, not even the people who I thought I was close to.

I had no idea at that point how alike Danny and I actually were, but I guess that my subconscious knew or something, because I really liked seeing him in biology every morning.

Of course, I would never admit this to anyone since I still hated Danny. Actually—scratch that—I didn't hate him. But no way did I _like _him. I tolerated him, and it made me smile when I saw him. I thought about him a lot, even when I was trying to to, and the little things he did were more endearing than annoying like they used to be.

I guess that's why I was really, _really _disappointed when I saw his empty seat on Monday morning after that first month.

I tried convincing myself that I didn't care. I kept telling myself that it didn't matter at all and that he was probably just off thieving or something because he's Danny and that's what he does.

Except that he didn't show up on Tuesday either, and I could feel that lump in my stomach settling back in. I had managed to get rid of it for a little while there, especially just talking to Danny because annoying as he was, he made me laugh, which made me get over my nerves about everything else.

Heather saw my face fall when I saw his empty chair. She started cackling like a crazy person and whispered: "Oh please, like he'd _ever _want you, whore," as I walked by. I don't know why, but that really bothered me. Maybe it was because I had no clue if she was right or not.

The thing about Tuesday was that even though Danny wasn't in biology in the morning, I saw him walking down the hallway after fifth period. I was getting ready to interrogate him about not being in class, but he ducked behind and corner and booked it out of the vicinity. I turned around to see if there was anyone around who would cause him to run like that.

And there was Heather, smirking like she was so damn proud of herself.

I just stared at her. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I was so. . ._disgusted _by her. Don't get me wrong, I always am, but this was so different. I felt this burning rage and just wanted to hit her for making someone feel horrible and then being _proud of it. _

Then I was completely disgusted with myself because the fact that I was feeling bad for Danny again was completely ridiculous.

I mean, what the hell does Danny Urbanski mean to me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

~xx~

It was finally Friday, which I was totally ecstatic about since it had been an awful week.

Danny hadn't shown up to biology once, but I saw him in the hallway at least once a day, so I knew he was ditching, I just didn't know why.

I overheard some other sophomores who were friends with Casey talking about him on Thursday though.

"Oh yeah, he's a total wreck. Serves him right for all the shit he's pulled. Apparently all he does during class is smoke behind the gym. It's pathetic if you ask me, especially since he won't even say what she did wrong."

After overhearing that conversation, I decided that Friday would be the last day that Danny would get away with ditching biology.

I was just so bothered that he was ditching because he didn't want to see _me_. I know that we argue constantly and claim to hate each other, but I guess I thought that was changing.

Either way, ditching class was stupid and I wasn't about to let him flunk out of school.

That was my explanation for going out of my way to find him in the middle of bio.

I had been very careful about it since I had no plans to ditch class entirely. Halfway through Mr. Brown's lecture on cells or something, I asked if I could go to the nurse. I thought that would be a better excuse than the bathroom since I knew that I would be gone for a pretty decent amount of time and I didn't want him to think anything gross about me.

That hope was pretty stupid though, because as I walked out of class I heard Heather whisper really loudly, "I'll bet she has an STD!", which caused me to slam the door in fury before I could stop myself.

I was starting to get really fed-up with all this "whore" business. It was a lot worse than being called "loser" because that was just a mean named. Being called a whore was like putting a giant label on my head. Everyone had some kind of story about me. It usually involved Casey, but sometimes the stories were about people I didn't even know, or people who I wouldn't even _kiss _if you paid me.

Anyway, I rounded the corner and ducked out the back door which I knew went out to the wall behind the gym.

I didn't know what exactly I expected to find, but I guess I didn't know that it would be _so _predictable.

There was Danny, staring off into the distance and smoking a cigarette. He was sitting against the wall, his knees up and his free hand draped over one of them.

I had never seen Danny looking like that before. I had seen him looking scared, proud, and even upset by now, but here he just looked thoughtful. Thoughtful and very troubled.

He looked like he had no idea what he was doing with himself.

I don't know how long I stood there, just looking at him and memorizing little things about his appearance. His dark hair fell in his eyes a little bit, but he didn't move it. I also noticed his lips. Danny's lips were kind of perfect, honestly. Marissa used to always talk about Danny's other perfect features, but she never mentioned his lips and I couldn't help wondering why. Even when he was smoking, he looked really nice. His hands were nice. They were sort of rugged and imperfect, but still really nice.

"Well. Didn't expect to see you here."

I turned my head to look at him, then I just blinked and chewed on my lower lip. I can't even imagine what that looked like to him.

"Might I ask why you're here?" he asked me, gesturing all over the place. It took me second to realize he was motioning for me to sit next to him.

I obliged, sliding down the dirty wall and sitting close. He laughed a little bit but I'm not sure why. I looked down at our shoes. For some reason, I really liked how my dirty white high tops looked by his motorcycle boots. It was special to me. I don't exactly know why, but it was.

"I was looking for you" I admitted, not looking up. Then I gestured to the pack of cigarettes on the other side of him. "Give me one."

He snorted, which made me feel a little stupid, but I'd heard from TV that the best way to get to know someone was over a smoke. Plus, he wasn't smoking marijuana or anything like other kids at school, so I knew that I didn't have to worry about getting myself high off my ass or anything.

Danny handed me the cigarette and a lighter. Thankfully, I had had to use lighters for other things before, so I knew how to use one. I lifted the cigarette to my mouth and turned on the lighter like I had seen people in movies do.

Danny held on to the lighter with me before murmuring, "breathe in", which I did, and he almost instantly took it away from my lips and said, "now hold it."

I tried to, but I started coughing. He rolled his eyes. "That happens to everyone the first time," he told me. I nodded. I didn't really want to inhale the stuff again, but Danny was staring at me like I was stupid, so I did. It wasn't as bad the second time, but it tasted like crap. I held it for a second, but I wasn't sure what to do after that.

"Breathe in through your nose" he advised. I did, and it actually went pretty smoothly. "Now breathe out the smoke," he told me.

I worked really well, actually. I felt this weird head rush and smiled in spite of myself. I felt pretty proud so I tried to repeat the actions Danny had showed me. I ended up choking on it again though. The process was infuriating.

Danny was laughing at me, but he stopped after I shot him a glare and leaned back against the wall. "So you were worried about me?" he asked.

I leaned back too. "Not worried. I think _curious _is a more accurate word."

"Ah," he said while I inhaled on the cigarette again, holding it for a second then breathing in like he'd shown me. "Curious enough to ditch class and find me."

I breathed the smoke in his face. He started laughing and coughing while waving his hand all over the place.

"You know smoking kills," I warned.

"I can see that's something you are incredibly concerned about."

I took in some more smoke. It was starting to feel really good. The smoke was kind of clean now, and I felt a little head-rush after each puff. "I'm only putting it on the back-burner for your sake," I assured him.

He smiled a little bit, and then we were both quiet. To me that meant the time for joking was over.

"Danny, why do you hate me so much?" I asked. It was a really stupid question, but it was as good an opener as any.

His head snapped toward me, and it made me realize how close we were to each other. "What?" he asked. He looked taken aback.

"You're ditching class to avoid me," I offered, "I just want to know why."

He hit the back of his head against the wall. "Sammy-" he started, "fuck. I-I'm not avoiding _you._"

I eyed him skeptically. "Then what are you doing out here?"

"Fuck," he muttered again, and it honestly didn't bother me as much as it should have, "Look. I. . .I don't want to talk about this."

I flicked some ash onto the ground very sassy-like. "Does it look like I'm giving you a choice?" I asked him. "I am taking no shit from you, Danny. Just tell me what's going on."

I think my strong cursing threw him off a little bit because he looked at me a lot differently than I was used to Danny looking at me.

"Heather." he said simply. "I thought it was obvious. I didn't think you. . ." he trailed off, staring out into the distance again.

I wasn't sure what he found so fascinating about the view. All I could see was Maynard's Market, the Heavenly Hotel, and the good old senior highrise from the hill. None of those were exactly glamorous places if you ask me.

Honestly, I think Danny was just trying to forget that he was here.

"So, what did she do?" I said, staring out at Santa Martina with him.

Danny scoffed and flicked some ash at the ground. "She fucked up everything. That's what she did."

"Sounds like her," I obliged. "Care to elaborate."

He laughed and then looked at me. "Maybe," he nodded to himself, "Yeah. Okay. I'll make you a deal."

"Sounds dangerous," I said, "What would this entail exactly?"

"I'll tell you everything about Heather and her perfect ways of fucking shit up—"

"Promising. . ."

"Shh!" he said, "But I'll only tell you if you promise to tell me what happened between you and her brother."

I blinked and stared at him. I should have said no. I should have run the other way and told him my secrets were mine, but—

"Deal." I said, "Now tell me what's up your ass, Danny."

He winked. "Very charming, Sam."

I didn't even question the fact that he had called me Sam. I just waited for him to start talking.

"Well, basically," he started, "I'd been seeing Heather on the side since last year. I kind of wanted to date other people—Marissa, for example—but I knew Heather would freak the fuck out if I tried that even though we weren't even dating. That's why I just dealt with it. I kept hooking up with her. I kept doing things that I knew weren't good for either of us. . .things that should have been special. We never had sex or anything like that, but we did enough for me to regret.

"I was getting sick of feeling like shit because of it, so this weekend I went over to her house and told her straight up that I wasn't going to do this anymore because it was wrong. I told her the truth. I said that I felt like I'd taken enough from her and that we were both wasting our time. She started screaming at me and blaming it on Marissa and—" he stopped himself for a second then shook his head. "Never mind. The point is: she was pissed. She kept saying that she would destroy me and ruin my life and all this shit. I thought she was full of it until Sunday night when her little minion tracked me down and practically mugged me. She stole my phone and my wallet, which had my license in it. I ditched bio Monday because I didn't want to see Heather. I thought it would just be that one day, but when I got home my mom was freaking the fuck out because she got a call from my phone with all these sex noises going on or something. She spent the whole night screaming at me and trying to make me pray and shit. I tried to tell her that my phone was gone but she wouldn't believe me. It's bullshit. All of it.

"That's why I haven't been back to biology. I'm not facing that bitch. I'll drop the damn class and retake it senior year."

I was in such shock from his story that I didn't even realize my hand was on his knee and that I was _rubbing _it. He didn't seem to mind though. That was a good sign.

My cigarette had burned away almost entirely so he took it from me and ground the stub into the pavement.

"I'm sorry." I told him, "Sorry she did that."

"Yeah." he said, "And I don't even care that she hates me. I just care that she's ruining my life!"

"Really?"

"Yes! I just. . .I don't know. I mean, it's a total mess. It doesn't bother me though. It never bothered me that Marissa hates me now, or that Casey does, or even that Heather does. I just hate that you do, and I don't know why that is."

I nodded. "I get it."

He ran a hand through his hair and lit another cigarette before handing me one. While I was lighting it as best I could, he was saying: "So tell me. What happened with you and Casey anyway?"

~xx~

**A/N: So sorry guys, forgive the cliffy! I really wanted to have this chapter up today though. I hope it was okay!**

**Thanks a bajillion to everyone who is reading this. I know the story is weird as fuck. I don't even understand my brain half the time. **

**Also, just as a heads up, I don't smoke so all of this information came from wikihow and such. If it's inaccurate I am sorry. **

**I swear I will have the next chapter up quickly! I'm on spring break so I have the time now!**

**XOXO**

**~Robin**


	6. Five

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**FIVE**

I looked away from him.

I guess that when he'd asked to hear what really happened between Casey and me, I thought maybe I could get out of it.

But from the look on Danny's face, I knew that wasn't an option. He was going to keep bothering me until I finally caved, and even though I didn't want to, it was inevitable.

"C'mon," he urged, "I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as all that shit I did with Heather."

He was right. It probably _wasn't _that bad. I was just afraid of him judging me, and I don't even know why because I thought that Danny Urbanski was the one person whose opinion would _never _matter to me.

I still wasn't saying anything though. I was just looking at our shoes and wishing that I could disappear.

"For fucks sake," Danny said, getting more frustrated with me, "If you don't tell me right now, you're never getting another damned cigarette from me again!"

It was a stupid threat, and he knew it. He was trying to be funny, and I guess it was sort of working because a little smile crept across my face.

"Look," I said, still staring at our shoes, which were surrounded by ashes and the butts of cigarettes. You would think that it would just look gross, but it was a little bit beautiful. Don't ask me why, it just was. "I don't want you to judge me. Or Casey. I don't think it was anybody's fault. We just. . .we weren't right for each other, I guess."

"Well, I knew that," Danny observed. That made me give him a really odd look because he was the only person I knew to have ever said that Casey and I weren't meant to be or something. "Sorry," he continued. "You guys were just too perfect. It didn't ever seem like a good idea to me. It's too cliché, especially for you. I mean, you never do what's expected, and being with Casey was exactly that," he blew some smoke into the air and laughed, "it's expected."

I blinked at him like he was crazy. To me, my relationship with Casey was a total risk because he was Heather's brother, and. . .and. . .well, that was it. It was enough though. Dating your archenemy's brother should have been anything but expected.

But Danny was right. After months of me acting like a total moron around him, it was kind of cliché for us to end up together.

"Yeah," I muttered, "I guess that was part of the problem."

Danny narrowed his eyes at me. "But clearly it wasn't the whole problem."

I sucked in a deep breath. I was completely terrified. I mean, the only other person who knew about any of this was Marissa, and she didn't even know everything. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought Danny would be the second one to know, but hey, life catches you off guard sometimes.

"You have to understand," I said, "That it was really good being with him most of the time. He's a really nice person. He cared about me and he just lost himself I think. He's not crazy for that either. There was a lot of crap going on when he started being. . .different to me.

"Everything was going great until this summer. There was this one weekend right after school let out and Heather and Candi had gone out of town. I told my—my mom that I was going to Marissa's since I knew that she would never let me spend the night with Casey even though I didn't plan on doing anything she'd disapprove of.

"It was sort of great, actually. As soon as I walked in the door I saw that he had decorated everything with roses and candles, and that he'd made me dinner and dressed up. It was definitely what you'd expect from Casey."

I took a deep breath before continuing because I knew that this was the part that was going to be hard to explain. "Later in the night we were just. . .we were just fooling around and he started trying to do things I knew that I didn't want. I told him that, obviously, and he told me that it was fine. He said we could wait as long as I needed and that he didn't want to pressure me.

"He was full of shit though." I said the flatly, and Danny definitely got my meaning. I tried not to curse that often, but this was a point in time where manners didn't matter to me at all. "He was so distant after that, and he didn't start paying me attention again until we were able to fool around some more. Every time he would try and push me further than I wanted to go, and I would always say that I wasn't ready. He'd tell me that was okay, but then he wouldn't talk to me until I did what he wanted again."

Danny had been silent this whole time, just smoking and I think doing his best to process everything I was saying, but now he spoke up. "Did you guys ever. . .?" he trailed off, but I knew exactly what he was asking.

"No," I said, "I ended it before things could get that out of hand. He was so angry though, and you know Casey. He's never really angry. I'd always liked that he was calm and collected. He never lost his temper or tried to hurt me, but when I told him that I thought we should break up, all that changed. He yelled at me and asked me why I was doing this to him. I tried to explain that I just wasn't ready for this, and that I was still a kid. I remember that the last thing he said to me was that I was ruining his life and that he hated me."

I sighed. "That is, until a couple days ago, when I ran into him in the hallway. He just told me that he hated me again though. Nothing really changed."

After that we were both quiet for a little bit. I knew that he was judging me but I didn't really care. Telling him that felt kind of good, actually. No one else had ever known that about me, not even Marissa. I mean, I'd told her some of it, but saying _everything _out loud was always too scary for me to even consider.

To be honest, I was really glad that I had told Danny everything before Marissa. I can't really explain it, but for some reason I was really comfortable around Danny.

I thought about him more than I should. I missed him all the time. I wanted to tell him the things I was afraid to say to anyone. I was willing to change everything about myself for him. I worried about him when he was gone, so much so that I ditched class to find him.

He was broken. I was okay with that though because I was broken too.

"He's such an ass," Danny muttered. I turned to face him and it hit me at that moment how amazingly close we were to one another, "Casey Acosta is such a fucking ass."

"Maybe," I offered, "but it was my fault too."

"No it wasn't!" Danny said, I think louder than he meant to. He kind of sighed after that. "I mean, he's the one who made you do all that stuff. You were only trying to be a good girlfriend or whatever."

I smiled a little bit, only because when Danny was mentioning me as Casey's girlfriend, the idea seemed absolutely disgusting to him. "He didn't make me do anything." I said, "I had the choice and I made the wrong one."

"You don't even get it, do you?" he asked. He seemed kind of mad, which was scary. "He knew that you would do it because he knew that you cared about him. Deny it all you want, but nothing that happened between you two was consensual."

"Not nothing," I argued. "We were happy for a long time, Danny!"

"I don't even give a shit," Danny told me, waving his hands in the air and accidentally bunping my arm with his hand. "He's a complete bastard for doing that to you. He's worthless, Sammy. He's absolutely fucking worthless."

I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. It was a little weird that Danny was so passionate about it and I didn't want to make him more angry. "No he's not," was what I decided to say, "he just made some bad choices. That doesn't make him a bad person."

"How can you even say that?" he asked me, looking completely taken aback, "he fucked up everything for you."

"I don't know. I guess. . .he really isn't that bad. He seems like a jerk, but you just have to look below the surface. There's something hiding there, just waiting to be uncovered. I was wrong to think he was nothing more than a heartless bastard. He's actually. . .kind of great." I had no idea what I was thinking. Saying this could not lead anywhere good.

Danny looked at me then. He looked at me like he was seeing something new and different that he'd never actually seen before. "You really don't think he's a bad person? Even after he was a complete asshole to you for years?"

I gave him a little smile. "It'd be wrong of me to think that. I didn't really know him."

I was only vaguely aware of what was really happening. I was looking at Danny, but only a for short second because before I even had time to think, my eyes were closed and his lips were on mine.

He had initiated it. I knew that much.

His lips were so soft and he was so gentle with me that it made me break a little bit. He turned me to the side so that he could have easier access to my mouth. His tongue was sweeping over mine, over and over in a way that was so different from anything Casey had ever done. Danny didn't touch my face, he only rested his hands on my sides gently. It was so sensual and so perfectly strange.

It was the kind of kiss that you could not even think about rejecting. That was why I let my mouth hang open and his tongue run over every corner of it. I wanted to have him closer to me. I was so scared of this little moment getting away from us and of what was going to happen afterward. I just wanted to keep it like this for as long as I could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me harder in response before finally deciding to hold me as close as he could. His hands splayed across my back and he leaned into me in a way that I was unfamiliar with.

I felt his last bit of control disappear when I let out a tiny moan against his mouth. He groaned and tightened his hold on me even more. I let my mouth open a bit wider, inviting him in completely. He bit my lip in a way that was somewhere between being playful and being intense. Either way, it made me moan a little bit more before I tried the same thing on him, which I could tell got him completely crazed.

He held me like I was a precious possession of his. It did not scare me though. Whenever Casey would do things like this it would scare me and I'd overthink everything. With Danny, everything was completely natural. Our movements were exactly what I wanted them to be. It was the sort of thing I had always wanted, I just didn't know that I wanted it.

One of Danny's hands traveled down and he rested it right on my ass. It didn't feel inappropriate or wrong though. In fact, having his hand there made me feel sexy and wanted, and it made me want _him _even more. I got up on my knees so that it would be easier for him to get what he wanted, and I felt him smile against my mouth when I did so. That smile was so amazing. I knew it wasn't Danny's classic smirk. It was a real smile, and that wasn't something I ever really saw on Danny.

I was so lost in out actions that it took me a long time to understand the reality of what we were doing.

It didn't matter how good it felt to have Danny's mouth on mine. It was still wrong.

Heather would completely demolish me if she knew about this.

Marissa would never talk to me again.

Casey would truly want me gone.

The fact that it felt right meant nothing. To everyone else, it was unacceptable and it made me a terrible person.

So I pulled away from him. I didn't want to, but I did.

Danny stared at me for a long time, not saying anything. I just stared back, my eyes full of worry. I could not believe what I had just done. I was going to be in such trouble with everyone, and I'd ruined a sort-of friendship with Danny.

It never was really just a friendship though. I knew that. I'd know it for a while now, but I was trying to ignore it. Clearly that wasn't working.

He looked so. . .hurt. He was looking into my eyes so intensely, probably trying to understand what was wrong with me, even though he must have known.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't regret it, but I couldn't. Not because it would be a lie, but because I wouldn't be able to stop this from happening again.

"I'm sorry," he said, so softly that it was hardly even there, "that was so out of line, I just—"

"Me too," I cut in quickly, "I-I'm sorry too."

And then I got up and walked away, leaving him with all of my secrets and a pack of cigarettes.

**A/N: Okay, I am so sorry this was so short! I feel like I got the point across though, so hopefully it was okay?**

**Sorry if the whole Casey/Sammy scandal wasn't enough to satisfy ya'll, but I promise that there is some serious Cammy angst coming up, so just bear with me!**

**I think I said a while back that you'd have to wait a bit for romance. . .well, I failed. I just couldn't deal with the tension between these two!**

**And I'm sorry this took so long. I've been dealing with my own silly love life, which is a piece of shit, so this has been on the back burner. Also, I apologize for taking my sexual frustration out on Sammy and Danny. **

**Thank you so much for reading, I hope you are liking this at least somewhat :)**

**XOXO**

**~Robin**


	7. Six

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**SIX**

I ran home the second school let out. I hadn't met my friends for lunch because I was afraid that if I got too close to the everyone I would see Danny. That was why I ate lunch by myself in a deserted hallway and just went over the morning over and over again in my head. Honestly, I could not believe it had actually happened. I almost doubted if anyone would believe it if I told them.

Before I started running like the devil was chasing me, I had seen Marissa talking and laughing with Peter, the guy she had been rambling about for weeks now. They looked so happy and so _normal _that it killed me. If I had to pick something I missed most about being with Casey, that was it: I missed having something normal.

I didn't talk much with Grams when I got home. I think she knew something was wrong with me from my dismal state, but she didn't say anything. She just went to her room, saying she was going to read a book. She was worried though. I knew she was.

I was a little worried too. I felt like all of my emotions were crashing down on me, and all I could do was sit there and let it happen. I tried to watch TV and ignore it but that was completely hopeless, so I put on some music. The music made everything a lot worse because the first song that came on was "Waiting for Rain to Fall". The funny thing about that was that I did not really think much about Casey when it played. I mean, yeah, I thought a little bit about our stupid middle school dance and how he sang to me, and how much I liked his eyes. I thought about how he called it "our song" and the way he used to look at me. But I thought about those things a lot because they were not easy to forget.

What surprised me was that I was also thinking a lot about Danny. I don't know why I was so shocked at myself. I mean, I had just made out with the guy that very day so it would only be rational of me to be thinking of him.

It was not rational, however, to start crying halfway through the next song. I just felt so confused and I was so scared and worried about everything that I couldn't stop the tears from forming and spilling over.

_This is gonna hurt, if it ever starts, so promise you'll be careful with my heart. _

I smashed my face into a pillow on the couch so that Grams wouldn't hear me sobbing like an idiot. After all, I did not want to explain anything to her.

I'm not sure what I did want, though.

I didn't want Casey back. I didn't want to talk to Marissa. I definitely didn't want to continue crying over stupid song lyrics that only vaguely related to my life.

I bet Danny would listen if I talked to him. Although that was not exactly an option seeing as how he was the thing I was obsessing over. I guess I just wanted to talk to him because at the time, that was the thing keeping me sane.

And I cared about him. I really hated to admit it, but it was true.

**~xx~**

"Where were you yesterday?" Marissa asked the second she spotted me the next morning.

I forced a smile and shrugged. "Home sick. Sorry."

She looked at me quizically. "Really? You look fine now."

I shrugged again. "It was just a cold. No big deal, I just needed a break from this shit," I said, gesturing around us.

Marissa looked stunned for a second, and it took me a while to figure out it was because she didn't think I ever really cursed. I seriously needed to stop hanging around Danny, which was not looking like it would be that difficult.

"Oh," she said, "Well. . .I'm glad you're better. I missed you yesterday."

"Yeah." I muttered, and started following behind her into school. Honestly, I was terrified. I did not want to go to biology. Danny probably thought I was a total coward, and he had every right. He had done what both of us had kind of wanted for weeks and I ran away. I wondered what he was going to say when he saw me. I wondered if he was even going to be in class.

I broke off from Marissa as quickly as I could get away with. I knew she thought it was weird, but I did not know what else to do. I couldn't be around her without feeling horrible about myself. I mean, Marissa was in _love _with Danny for a while there. I had completely betrayed her, and I knew it.

I stood outside the classroom for what felt like a million years, debating whether to even go inside. I mean, it would totally kill me, and I knew it. I would first have to face Mr. Brown yelling at me for ditching his stupid class, and after that was over I would have to endure sitting next to Danny for the entire hour. And on that note, I was just about to walk away and deal with the consequences of ditching again, but right when I turned around, I found myself staring at the front of Danny Urbanski's t-shirt.

He looked totally giddy with himself when I looked up at him. "Well, well, well" he said, but it was more like a 'tsk', "You weren't thinking about ditching, were you?"

I did not know what to say at all, so I just muttered, "Shut up, okay?" which caused his whole nonchalant demeanor to change instantly. He got all serious and looked into my eyes with so much intensity it would have been impossible to look away.

"Look, Sam," he said, and then corrected himself when I shot him a look, "Sammy. Look, I-I don't know what you're thinking, I just-"

"Shhh," I murmured, "It's fine. We'll talk later."

I tried to push past him into the classroom, but he stopped me, placing his hands on either side of me and pressing my back up against the wall. "No. I want to talk to you now. Don't move."

I exhaled sharply and nodded. "Fine. Okay. Talk." I said.

"Are you mad about yesterday? Because I'm sorry, okay? It was stupid of me to kiss you like that, especially when we hate each other and everything-"

"You hate me?" I asked, and I have no idea why I did. I mean, he was just trying to keep things normal, and I was screwing it up. It just stung a little when he mentioned the idea of hatred, which is dumb because two months ago I legitimately would not have given a damn.

"Don't you hate me?" he retorted, "You always acted like you fucking did."

He was so close to me, and I could feel his breath in my face, just barely repositioning my hair. I wanted to kiss him again so badly, but I knew that I couldn't, and that brought on a miserable sort of relief.

"Well I fucking don't" I told him, but it came out so breathy that I was surprised he could even tell what I was saying.

He smiled a little bit at that. . .or maybe he was smiling because of how breathless I was. . .and said, "Well it'd be pretty hard for me to hate you after yesterday. Let's face it, Sammy, we're stuck with each other now."

"I think maybe I can live with that."

He smiled at me, and it was a really beautiful smile. I was starting to understand Marissa's constant fascination with Danny's mouth, like that time she called his teeth "little glaciers floating in the sea of minty-freshness.". She had no idea how right she was.

"Are you up for a walk today after school?" Danny asked me, "It'd give us a chance to figure things out."

"I can't today," I said, "I have to meet Marissa. Maybe tomorrow." I was hopeful because he was right, we definitely needed some time to sort things out between us, but Marissa thought I was ignoring her and I needed to fix that.

"Wow, playing hard to get, are you?" he teased, "Yeah, I can do tomorrow. But I won't wait up, so you'd better be there."

"I will be."

He grinned before leaning in really close. . .and kissing me on the cheek. I would have smacked him for it, except there was no one else in the hallway (as we were now very late to class), and he knew that I had wanted him to do it. Actually, what I would have liked better was him grabbing my face and kissing me as passionately as he could against this wall like he just didn't give a shit. . .but even I knew that would be inappropriate for right now. Hell, it was inappropriate for me to even be thinking about it.

He smirked at my blushing face and stupid smile before walking into the classroom. And you know, that smirk really pissed me off because after seeing so much of smiley-Danny, I had forgotten that jackass part of him existed.

The bigger issue was that I also thought that smirk was completely adorable because I knew it was fake and he was just trying too hard. That's what Danny has always done: he tries too hard to be something stupid so that he can get approval from a bunch of morons.

And at the moment, I actually thought that was cute. Sue me.

**~xx~**

"You're alive!" Marissa said when I met her out front after school, throwing her arms around me, "it feels like years since I've talked to you! I have so much to tell you, it's crazy. Come on, let's go, my parents will be mad if I'm late again."

"Again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," she said, looking away, "I've been hanging out with Peter a lot," she admitted.

"That's great!" I told her, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, "I mean, I'm glad he makes you happy."

She laughed. "Thanks. He actually asked me to homecoming. Maybe he could find a friend for you and we could go together? Maybe we could find someone for Dot too. Holly will probably end up going with Billy though, if he ever gets the balls to ask her."

"Yeah, maybe," I said, but I was nervous. I mean, I had this sort-of thing with Danny now, and I didn't know where it was going to go. I didn't want her booking a date for me with someone else. "When is that thing anyway? I totally forgot about it."

Marissa looked utterly shocked at me. "Um, it's next week, Sammy! I can't believe you haven't thought about it yet, everyone has been asking each other left and right, where have you been!?"

_Making out with Danny behind school_, I thought. "I don't know," I said, "Guess I just haven't been paying any attention to that kind of thing."

"Clearly," she muttered, still sounding all shocked. I had no idea a stupid dance was so important, but whatever. I guess I was already doing my high school experience wrong.

We spent the rest of the walk talking about Peter mostly. He hadn't kissed Marissa yet, which she was okay with because she was trying to save her first real kiss for a better time. He was also a sophmore, which I did not know, and he really liked reggae music, which was not at all appealing to me.

I got home feeling a lot better about everything. I was on good terms with Marissa again, and I had convinced her to hang out with Peter after school the next day so that I could go on my walk with Danny.

Before I went to bed that night, I stood in the bathroom for a while, just staring at myself and thinking of ways to improve my appearance for the next day. I have no idea why I cared, since Danny already knew what I looked like, but I still felt the need to look a little nicer than usual. I started looking through cabinets and found a bunch of makeup that my Grams had bought, but never opened. She tended to stick to her old reliables, and the new stuff generally just sat around.

I found that if I put a thin line of black eyeliner on just the top of my eye, and not the waterline like Heather sometimes did, topped with a light brow eyeshadow and a little mascara, I looked really good. I mean, it's not like I was really ugly or anything before, I just looked better with a little facepaint. Plus, it looked natural, which I liked. I didn't want to make it too obvious that I cared.

I really did care though, and I had butterflies in my stomach just thinking about Danny and me alone together again.

**~xx~**

"Are you wearing makeup!?" Grams demanded when I emerged from the bathroom the following morning.

"Only a little," I said, "it's not a big deal."

"_You _never wear makeup. You hate makeup!"

"Only when it's too much," I argued, "Do I look bad or something? What's the problem here?"

"No!" Grams said very quickly, "You definitely don't look bad, Samantha, I'm just. . .surprised."

"Well you'll soon learn that I am full of surprises."

"Just don't get a tattoo or something crazy, okay?"

"Grams!"

**~xx~**

I met Danny in the back of school that afternoon. We figured the front was too risky since all the people who knew us would be there and the whole point of this was privacy. I walked up to him very awkwardly when I saw him there, but he just smiled and stood.

I had no clue if I should have greeted him with a hug or a kiss or a handshake or whatever so I just kind of stood there like an idiot.

"You wanna go out to the bleachers?" he asked, "No sports today, so no one will be there to bother us."

I nodded. I wasn't sure what he was implying, but I hoped he didn't want too much from me. I just sort of wanted to talk things out, and I hoped we'd be able to make that happen before anything else.

Within about a minute, Danny was holding my hand while we walked. For some reason, the gesture actually made me more comfortable, and I started to relax and start talking.

"Casey would be so mad if he found out about any of this." I said. It was a bad opener, but it certainly was an issue that needed to be discussed.

"To hell with Casey. If he has a fucking problem, he can talk to me," said Danny.

"You realize that's a possibility, right? I mean, he might want to say something to you. . .or to me. He's not just going to leave us alone."

"Please don't let him dictate your decisions, Sam—Sammy. If you are happy with this, then don't let him fuck it up."

"I won't," I assured him, "I'm just letting you know that there are a lot of people who will be able to fuck this up."

"Like Heather." he offered.

"And Marissa."

"And Casey."

"And basically anyone else you can think of."

We started walking up the bleachers.

"Do you think that it's worth it?" he asked me.

"I think it could be."

He smiled at me and let me toward the middle of the bleachers. I had never even been on them before now. I mean, I could not be bothered to go to sporting events. I had way too much other shit going on right now.

We sat down and he started talking about school and classes and stupid stuff like that, and I listened because I wasn't sure exactly what I should say.

"And you know, I don't even know why everyone makes such a big fucking deal about those dances. I didn't even go last year because I knew Heather would kill me if I took someone that wasn't her. It's a good thing I don't care what she thinks anymore. Speaking of which, what are your plans for the stupid dance?" he said.

I laughed, "Nothing. I mean, who would I be going with?"

"There are a lot of guys who would want to go with you," he assured me, "myself included."

I laughed again because I had no idea what to say to that. Never in a million years would I have thought Danny would want to go anywhere with me. It had barely been a month and already our entire perspective on each other had changed. There was something to be said about that, I think.

"Would you really want me to go with you, even with all the drama that will come with it?" I asked.

He didn't say anything, he just looked into my eyes and stopped toying with the hand he's been holding. I held my breath because I knew exactly what he was going to do.

And he did it: he leaned in and kissed me very softly, probably because he was afraid of my reaction, and I kissed him back with a lot of enthusiasm. It wasn't overly-passionate, though. Our lips were moving in this perfect, balanced way and I couldn't help but enjoy it.

It was not like before, when our hands were moving all over each other: desperate and curious. It was a calm sort of kissing, where we were just enjoying the connection of our lips against each other.

I pulled away from him after a moment, but not very much. Our foreheads were still touching and I said very softly, "Is that a yes?"

He grinned and laughed softly before he lifted his face and kissed my forehead. "Yes."

And I just sat there smiling like an idiot, but that was okay because he was smiling like an idiot too.

That was when we both heard it: footsteps. They were really close, too. It was like. . .like someone had been there the entire time.

We both turned around, and there was an agreed horror that settled over both of us because let me tell you, the person standing a mere few feet away from us was not someone either of us wanted to see.

Danny summarized the entire thing pretty well:

"Shit."

**A/N: Welcome back to the story that is never updated! **

**I am so sorry. This took so long and you all have such a right to be disappointed. **

**I'm also really sorry if this chapter sucks. I was writing kind of fast, my apologies. **

**There is DRAMA coming up though! This was the nice, happy chapter.**

**I will try super hard to get the next chapter up faster! It's summer now, so I will have time :)**

**thanks so much for reading, if you'd like to chat or whatever, my tumblr is robinsparkles14 (I hate the PM system on here)**

**please review :)**

**xoxo**

**~Robin**


	8. Seven

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**SEVEN**

**warning for this chapter: if you don't like cursing, look away. **

There she was. The miserable, redheadded, slightly miniature demon, waltzing towards Danny and me from across the field. And she was _mad. _

The thing was that she had no right to be. I mean, it's not like we had said "Hey, Heather, why don't you meet us at the bleachers after school so you can watch us make out!?" _No. _She had followed us, and we all knew it.

Heather stormed toward us up the bleachers and stood right above me. I was at a very distinct disadvantage given that I was sitting down and she wasn't. Still, I just stared at her like: _yeah, come at me, Heather. What are you gonna do? Huh? _

And do you know what she did? She slapped me. Right across the face, _smack! _

Well, I was pissed, so I started to get up and try to fight back, but Danny instantly had his arms around me, keeping me down. He was strong too, and even though I'm not weak or anything, I had no chance of getting up.

Heather had started crying, and even though I thought she was a total psycho-bitch for following us out here (among other things), I did feel a little bad. It sucks to get your heart broken, and Danny was a master at it.

I stopped feeling bad when she started to scream at me.

"You—stupid—BITCH!" She shrieked at me between sobs, "Why—do you take—EVERYTHING—from me? You took—" she sniffed, "My brother—and my dad—and my friends—and now you took. . .you took. . .my. . ." she broke down into hysterical sobs, her overdone makeup running down her face.

"Did you really almost want to fuck _that_?" I whispered to Danny. It would have been harmless since Heather couldn't hear it over her crying, but Danny started snickering like an idiot and even though I tried to make him stop by hitting him a little harder than needed, he didn't, and Heather started to yell again.

"I can't believe this! This is low even—even for you! First my brother and now this? You just can't help yourself, can you? You stupid fucking whore!"

Danny saw the look on my face when she said that. He knew from experience that I could not stand to be called that word. Except, I was worrying now that maybe the reason I hated it so damn much was because it was true.

"Don't you dare call her that, Heather," Danny warned, "You need to fucking leave, you have no reason to be here."

"Why should I leave?" Heather asked, and then laughed wickedly, "So you two can fuck on the bleachers? Yeah right."

Danny sighed and rolled his eyes. "Why the hell does this bother you so much? It's not like I ever really liked you, Heather."

I knew that had to sting, and I was a little mad at Danny for saying it. It kind of reminded me that even though he's not as big of an asshole as I thought, he's still Danny Urbanski. He knows how to make people feel bad, and I should have remembered that.

Heather had tears in her eyes, and I wanted to hit Danny. It's not like I cared that Heather was crying, I just knew that now we had no chance of convincing her to keep this whole thing under wraps.

"You don't mean that," she whispered, "We were together for a year, and you're telling me that you care more about _her_?"

She was trying to sound menacing but honestly she just sounded really pathetic.

"We were never 'together'!" Danny cried, putting air-quotes around the word 'together' , "It wasn't like that! You had the wrong idea!"

"Oh yeah?" Heather said softly, and her voice cracked while she said it, "Well I have a feeling a lot of fucking people are going to get the wrong idea about you two," she pointed at me, "Like your stupid fucking friend, and my stupid fucking brother. They'll probably really get the wrong idea when I tell them about this fucking bullshit with you and Danny!"

I knew this was going to happen. I knew from the second I saw Heather walking toward us. I was just really hoping that I'd be wrong.

"Please, Heather, you don't have to—" I tried, but she was storming away.

"Shut up!" she yelled, "Just shut the fuck up, both of you!"

Danny looked at me. He seemed like he was just concerned, but I honestly just did not have the energy to deal with him at the moment.

I sat there for a second, then sighed, stood up, and left him sitting on the bleachers.

**~xx~**

One thing you should probably know about high school, if you're not in it or you haven't already completed it, is that news travels really fast.

I had never gotten so many stares before in my life, and I went through a lot of shit at William Rose, mind you.

The weird thing was nobody even knew who I was prior to me being the girl who made out with Danny. I mean, some people knew about the whole incident on the first day, but beyond that I was pretty much a nobody.

On this day though, I was very far from being a nobody. In fact, I was the biggest somebody in the whole school.

Okay, that's not true. But it felt like it was.

I didn't see Marissa at all that morning. I didn't see Holly or Dot or even Billy either. Mind you, I wasn't exactly looking for them, but it was still odd. Usually they're all easy to find in the morning because we all can hang around the halls and talk for a while before class.

Clearly they had no interest in talking to me.

As I walked down the hall getting stared at, Danny suddenly ran up beside me.

"Sam," he said, grabbing my shoulder and facing me toward him. I was so surprised that I didn't even correct him on my name, I just let him talk. "I'm so sorry about this. Sorry everybody's staring and all this. I tried to explain things, but-"

"Explain things to who?" I asked. I mean, who was he taking about? No one had asked _me _to explain anything.

"Everyone!" he exclaimed, "everyone was calling me last night, it was fucking nuts. Heather posted something about it on some website and now everyone knows. Oh God, I'm so sorry. We should have gone somewhere else, this is all my fault."

"Shh," I said, pressing one of my fingers to his lips, "It's not your fault. It's Heather's. It's always Heather's fault."

I put my hand down, and we were standing so close that my fingers were grazing his jeans, which was sexy in a weird way.

"Very true," Danny said, "I just wish I could protect you from these assholes. I feel so. . .so powerless."

"You don't have to protect me," I said, smiling at him, "I'm a big tough girl, I tie my own sneakers and everything."

He looked down at my high-tops and smiled.

**~xx~**

Holly didn't say much to me in literature. She didn't seem really mad or anything, she was just silent. I felt really bad because I knew that if anyone saw this coming, it was Holly. She had always asked me about Danny and told me that I talked about him too much and stuff like that. She had known, and I really wished that I had told her more.

Before I walked out of class, she whispered, "Come by the Pup Parlor after school today, alright?"

I nodded. "Kay, sounds good." I sounded way too enthusiastic. I was just glad that someone didn't totally hate me.

I walked out of class feeling a little better. I knew Holly was a good friend. And besides, she could never hate me. I rescued her from the streets, after all. This thing with Danny could never trump that.

I hardly even noticed when someone grabbed me by the shoulders because I was so lost in thought about Holly and her being an orphan and all that.

What I _did _notice was when I was slammed up against a locker and looking up into a pair of beautiful, chocolate brown eyes.

It was Casey.

"Why aren't we talking?" he asked sternly. His eyes were so concerned and yet at the same time he looked like he was going to cry.

"I-I-I-" I stammered, trying to find some words. This was so unexpected and strange and I had no idea what to do. "You hate me."

It was the wrong thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything else.

"I don't fucking hate you, Sammy," he said, blowing off my words as if I was a complete idiot, "I just fucked up and needed to blame it on someone. But I don't really hate you, so why aren't we talking?"

"Because we shouldn't," I whispered, not even daring to look at him.

"Why!?" he cried, "Because you'd rather talk to Danny!?"

I looked down and tried to swallow back the stupid tears that were forming in my eyes. "If this was about Danny. . .you should have just said so," the words were so soft I'm surprised he even knew what I was saying.

"Great, well this is about Danny," he said matter-of-factly, "And it's about the fact that he's an ass and that he's not good for you. I'd be a thousand times better than that piece of shit! He doesn't even like you, you know. He just thinks you're an easy slut like everyone else and—don't fucking _cry, _Sammy, I'm just trying to be straight with you!"

I finally looked up at him. And, yes, I was crying. It feels like shit to have someone degrade you like that, especially when it's someone like Casey.

"You know what, Casey?" I said, my voice cracking in the process of speaking, "He said the same fucking thing about you. And I think he's right."

"Oh yeah, well I think everyone in this school is right about _you_."

"Is this what you meant by 'talking'? Is this how you wanted to talk to me!? Because if you wanted to make me feel like shit all you had to do was tell me that you hated me again!"

"I don't fucking hate you!"

"Well I hate you!"

I wanted to take back the words as soon as they left my mouth. They weren't true, but I wanted him to leave me alone. The hallway was way past empty now, and no teachers were coming to save me. Casey had pushed me over the edge and I had no idea how to get back up. I could never hate him, but I wanted to cut him out of my life.

"You don't mean that," he said, getting really close to my face. The gesture made me so uncomfortable and I flinched toward the lockers, trying to get away from him, "You loved me, and you know it."

He started to hum "Waiting for Rain to Fall" under his breath. And yes, I was reminded of the dance in seventh grade and everything else associated with that damn song, but the way the was leaning toward me and staring right through me was almost creepy at the moment, and I tried to throw him off me.

"Stop!" I cried, "Just stop, please!"

He slammed me back up against the locker. It didn't hurt (I knew Casey would never hurt me physically.), but it was scary and I whimpered. "Stop, Casey."

"Why? I'm not hurting you."

"Yes you are," I told him, tears streaming down my face, "You're hurting me, Casey, and I want you to stop."

His grip loosened a bit and I could see the coldness in his eyes start to fade away. He was such a good person. He just wasn't a good person for me.

"Hey!" I heard someone yell from down the hall, and then I heard footsteps running toward us. Casey instantly dropped his hands. I didn't even look up. I just stared at the ground and let the tears blanket the ugly tiles.

I knew it was Danny that was running toward us, and I completely fell into him when he put his arms around me. I buried my face in the faded band t-shirt he was wearing under his leather jacket and sobbed while he patted my back and yelled at Casey.

"What the fuck, man," Danny said, "Did you not think she felt shitty enough already?"

I peered over at Casey for a brief second. He looked so distraught, like he had no idea what to say or do. He was just staring at me wrapped in Danny's arms.

I knew it was something he probably never wanted to see.

"I-I don't know, I just-" Casey started to say.

"You're just a fucking idiot," Danny finished for him, "Have some fucking respect, dude. She tried really hard for you. You're the one who fucked it up."

Casey scoffed. He didn't respond to the comment, and I felt his eyes on me.

"Sammy," he said.

I didn't look up.

"Sammy," he said again, "I know you can hear me."

I still didn't look up.

"Do you really hate me?" Casey asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't say anything, I just wrapped my arms around Danny's waist and pulled him closed to me.

Then I listened to Casey's footsteps start to walk and then slowly fade away from where I was standing.

**A/N: **

**Holy shit, that was intense. I hope I delivered on that drama. **

**If the cursing bugs you, sorry. Hate to burst your bubble but that's how high school is...**

**The slut shaming thing is something that was actually done to me, so I'm just kind of spreading my knowledge of that shit with this story. Again, sorry if it bugs you, that's reality, and it really sucks. **

**I hope ya'll liked this chapter! Please review and I will get the next one up periodically. I love all of you who are reading this, it makes my day that some of you actually like it :)**

**xoxo**

**~Robin**


	9. Eight

**~PERPETUAL DISASTER~**

**EIGHT**

Danny didn't want me to go back to class.

He kept telling me that he'd stay with me, and that he wouldn't go back either. He was so worried, which I understood, but I told him he didn't need to be and that I would find him after school.

"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you like this, and I don't want people to-"

"Shh," I said, my head still resting in his jacket. I had not moved at all since Casey left. I was a little scared that if I tried to move or walk away then I would just fall apart. "I can go, it's not a big deal."

Even though I said that (and believed it), I still didn't move, but Danny loosened his grip on me.

"It's gonna be okay, Sam," he said soothingly, "I'm just worried. You should be too."

"I am," I whispered.

He sighed and sort of pushed me away from him. Not in a mean way, just so that I was standing upright and not burrowing into his chest. He put his hands on my shoulders, "Come over to my house after school so we can be alone. My mom's working, as usual, and I want to be with you today after all this shit. You shouldn't be alone."

I nodded. "Okay. I'll find you."

He smiled. "Good. Now let me walk you to your class."

That class happened to be history, and the teacher was one I didn't know very well so coming in late probably wasn't a fantastic impression to make since Danny already has a reputation and walking in with him must have looked terrible.

"I had to take her to the nurse, sorry," Danny explained, handing me over to the teacher.

The teacher just glared at me like I was some kind of demented creature. Though I couldn't exactly blame him since both Danny and I looked completely frazzled, which he most likely didn't assume was from a run in with Casey. . .

"Do you have a pass?" he grumbled, still glaring like crazy.

I shook my head. "I left really fast. Sorry."

Call me crazy, but I could have sworn this teacher muttered, "bullshit" before saying, "fine. Go to your seat," in a complete monotone.

I tried to ignore the fact that Bridget was in this classroom, specifically right in front of me. I could see her texting other people in the room about me, but she didn't use my name. She just wrote "the slut" or "that whore."

Those words were starting to really bother me. People tossed them around like they didn't mean anything, when in reality they had the power to crush someone completely. I hated anyone who said that about people. I even hated Danny when he said it. It wasn't right. If you don't know someone's story completely...if you don't understand what's going on...how can you judge them?

I guess it's not that hard. People have been doing it since the beginning of time.

It's not even that, though. It's the fact that calling a girl a slut or a whore is basically the same thing as using a racial or homophobic slur. It's amazingly judgmental, and it's just a way to degrade helpless girls even more than usual. It's total bullshit that girls say it about each other when they're only moving feminism backwards by saying it.

Or maybe I was just taking it all too seriously and simply didn't understand.

Watching Bridget send those texts was painful though, and I could see who in the room was getting them and I watched them snicker and look over at me while they read them. Maybe it should have made me cry or hurt my feelings a bunch, but it mostly just pissed me off that people could be so fucking heartless.

It's funny. I used to think Danny was the most heartless person in the world. Now I realize I was just sheltered from real jackassery.

"And Samantha. Could you answer question 4 please?"

My head snapped up and I stared blankly at the projector in front of me.

"Um," I said very unintelligibly.

The teacher rolled his eyes at me and I swear to God he muttered some pretty foul language yet again.

The question was something about a war...or maybe it wasn't...I had never felt so clueless in my life.

"It's um...it's about..." I stammered, but the teacher was moving on.

"Bridget," he said, "Would you mind answering this as Samantha is clearly still too supposedly sick to do it."

_Supposedly sick? _What an ass! The anger was bubbling up inside me and I was fighting hard not to explode in front of all these fucking jerks.

I was just so mad at everyone. I was mad at Casey and Heather and Bridget and all these stupid people judging me. I was mad at the fucking jackass teacher—Mr. Cook was his name according to his desk—I was even mad at Marissa for not even paying attention to the fact that I had felt like shit for _months _now and it was totally unwavering.

I felt like the whole world was against me and I was powerless.

I finally lost it when on the way out of class Bridget purposely bumped into me and sneered, "Slut."

I shoved her out into the hallway so that Mr. Cook wouldn't have anything to say to me.

"Will you fucking stop!?" I demanded, and her big green eyes widened in bewilderment.

"Stop what?" she asked innocently.

I glared at her. I mean, _really _glared at her. "Cut the bullshit," I said, "I'm sick of you..." I scrambled for words, "I'm just sick of you!"

She had the nerve to place her hand over her heart and look hurt. "Omigod, Sammy," she said, "I'm so sorry. Whatever do you mean?"

"I mean you and Heather telling the whole world I'm a-" I broke off. I didn't want to say it. I hated that word. I hated it more than anything at the moment.

She raised an eyebrow. "A whore?"

"Yeah, that," I grumbled.

"Well if you weren't acting like one-"

"Oh, shut up, Bridget! You don't even know me! Stop acting like you do."

She did shut up, but I knew she was still going to be the same. I knew she would leave and start sending stupid texts about me and talking about how I slept with everything that moved even though I was a complete and total virgin.

She was judgmental and stupid. And unfortunately for me, so was everyone else.

**~xx~**

I sat on Danny's bed, feeling very awkward. He had tried so hard at consoling me on the way back to his place but I really didn't feel like talking. I felt crappy, which had been the general way I'd been feeling lately.

". . .and it was funny, you know. Like seriously, she thinks I give a fuck about her still. It's obnoxious, she knows you're-"

Danny stopped talking abruptly. I had sort of been zoning out, thinking about Casey and all of that but I had heard him there.

"She knows I'm what?" I asked, actually very curious as to how he was going to finish that sentence.

He suddenly looked very awkward and. . .oh my god, was Danny Urbanski blushing!? The sight of it actually made me smile. I asked again. "What!?" I said louder, in almost a shrieky, girly sort of way. "What were you going to say?"

He looked up at me and our eyes locked, taking my breath away completely. "She knows that. . .that you're everything to me."

He looked down really fast after that, apparently super interested in the carpet in this room. Now I was blushing too.

"Everything?" I asked softly, "Do you mean that?"

He sat down next to me and then laid back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah," he told me. "I mean, what else have I got without you? I'm a fuck up, Sam. You know that."

I laid down too and turned my head. He did the same and it took everything I had not to kiss him right then.

"You're not a fuck up," I murmured, "You're just a dumbass." Then I started giggling hardcore and eventually Danny was laughing with me. He shoved me lightly and I hit him back in defiance. He gave me a wicked smile and climbed on top of me, wrestling me around and tickling me until I was helpless underneath him, my head resting on a pillow.

"Why do you say that?" he asked through his laughter.

I tried to get a grip on my laughing, looking deep into his eyes. "Cause I know that you never actually wanted to be a bad person, did you? You just didn't think there was another choice."

His face was getting increasingly closer to mine and my heart was practically beating out of my chest. I was never going to get used to this. . .to him being so close to me. And he smelled so good, like some kind of expensive cologne—not like axe or anything nauseating like that, I mean something fancy—mixed with the faint smell of cigarettes. I never liked the smell of tobacco but for some reason it was alluring on Danny. Intensely so.

"Yes," he said, "And what's that?"

My eyes were staring to flutter closed, and I knew I was losing myself in him.

"This." I whispered, and then I closed the small gap between us, kissing him hungrily. It became clear that he was just as desperate as I was.

His tongue ventured into my mouth and it was like a choreographed dance that we suddenly seemed to know. His hands weren't following it though. They started on my shoulders but soon moved lower and slid under my shirt. I let him do this, trying to convince myself that I felt bold and unafraid but in reality I was almost nervous.

It was distracting. I remembered when Casey used to do this and how it was not nearly as intense or meaningful to me even though I was sure I loved him. With Danny, I was so focused on what he was doing to me that I couldn't even focus on kissing him and finally our lips parted and he began kissing down my neck intensely and I let out a small moan from the contact.

That seemed to please him and he continued with what he was doing and I let him.

Then suddenly, I felt his hands gripping the button on my jeans.

I sat up really fast.

"No!" I said quickly, pushing his hands away.

He blinked, seeming completely taken aback. I wanted to roll my eyes because that was so like Danny Urbanski. Thinking he could get a girl to do anything because that's what he was used to.

"What is it?" he asked.

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again. "Just. . .just not today, okay? This is all happening so fast. Plus I don't need to give Heather any more reason to call me a. . .a slut."

He stared me down, his eyes scanning my expression. "Heather would never find out." he told me, "What's really wrong?"

I looked up at the ceiling, then down at the blankets that my hands were gripping, then finally at Danny. "It's. . .that's how it starts," I said quietly, "You think it's okay but it's not and soon you're going to want more from me and I can't do that again." I confessed.

He nodded. "Casey..." he muttered.

I nodded back. He sighed and got up off the bed.

"I'm sorry," he told me, "I should have known that fucking jackass-"

"It's fine," I said, cutting him off. I didn't need to hear his string of insults about Casey. "It's totally fine."

Danny opened a drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "We don't have to do that anyway," he said, "You wanna just have a smoke and talk?"

I nodded, fixing my clothes before taking a cigarette from him and letting him light it for me. Honestly, I had been craving a cigarette since the last time we smoked and feeling that little high after every puff of smoke was amazing and totally took the stress off me.

And then we just talked. We talked about Heather and her stupid friends and it was actually funny because Danny brought back to my attention the fact that Heather is a complete moron. Then we ended up talking about other people at school and, my god, did Danny have some strong opinions about people.

Everything was fine until I saw the clock on his nightstand...and realized it was nearly seven o' clock.

"Oh God," I said, grinding the last bit of my cigarette into the ashtray, "I am so fucked."

"What?"

"My Grams, she's gonna kill me."I explained, rushing out. Danny followed me, carrying my backpack out to the front porch for me and then handing it over.

"Can I walk you home?" he asked.

"Um...no," I said, because Danny had no clue I lived at the highrise and him walking me would just be a huge mess. I hated to see him looking hurt though, and he did right now. "My living situation is just complicated. I'm sorry, I'll explain later." I kissed him quickly a smiled. "Thank you."

He nodded, giving me a final smile before I hurried down the street.

**A/N: I updated! Sorry it took forever. **

**I am making no promises about the next one, but it will happen eventually. **

**I hope ya'll liked it! The next one is probably going to be more centered around Grams and Marissa and all them cause I'm sure I've provided quite enough fluff to last us a while. **

**I am trying soooooo hard to keep this rated T so please forgive me if it's racy. If any of ya'll have looked at my profile you probably noticed that most of my stuff is rated M so it's out of habit, I swear!**

**Thanks so much for reading! Please review!**

**Xoxo**

**~Robin**


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